Topic: Humor-Obama and the Queen

Obama and the Queen

Barack Obama met with the Queen of England.  He asked her, "Your Majesty,
how do you run such an efficient government?  Are there any tips you can
give to me?"

"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself
with intelligent people."

Obama frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are
really intelligent?"

The Queen took a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy; you just ask them to answer
an    intelligent riddle." The Queen pushed a button on her intercom.
"Please send Tony Blair in here, would you?" Tony Blair walked into the
room and said, "Yes, Your Majesty?"

The Queen smiled and said, "Answer me this please, Tony, your mother and
father have a child.  It is not your brother and it is Not your sister.
Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Tony Blair answered, "That would
be me." "Yes!   Very good," said the Queen.

Obama went back home to ask Joe Biden, his vice presidential choice, the
same question. "Joe, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have
a child.  It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm
not sure,"    said Biden. "Let me get back to you on that one...." He went
to his advisors and asked every one, but none could give him an answer.
Finally, he ran into Sarah Palin out eating one night. Biden asked, "
Sarah, can you    answer this for me?  Your mother and father have a child
and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Sarah Palin answered
back, "That's easy, it's me!"

Biden smiled, and said, "Thanks!" Then, he went back to speak with Obama.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle.  It's Sarah
Palin!"

Obama got up, stomped over to Biden, and angrily yelled into his face,
"No! You idiot!    It's Tony Blair!"

....AND THAT IS    PRECISELY WHAT'S GOING ON WITH OUR FEDERAL GOVERNMENT
IN WASHINGTON,    D.C.

Re: Humor-Obama and the Queen

DIVORCE AGREEMENT:  Humor, with a touch of reality.

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:
Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.  We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel.  You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.

We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right.  We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World".

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.


Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. 

Would you agree to this?  If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P. S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P. S. S.  And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country.

IN GOD WE TRUST

Re: Humor-Obama and the Queen

A lot more truth here than humor!

I have often wondered why it is that Conservatives are called the "right" and Liberals are called the "left."   
By chance I stumbled upon this verse in the Bible:
 
"The heart of the wise inclines to the right,
but the heart of the fool to the left."
Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV)

Re: Humor-Obama and the Queen

Government Job

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.  The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine.  I can't drink coffee."

"Have you ever served in the military?"

"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment."

Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now.  Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job," the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

Re: Humor-Obama and the Queen

So Sad!!

Obama goes on a State visit to Israel.  While he is on a tour of Jerusalem, he has a fatal heart attack.  The undertaker tells the US diplomats: "You can have him shipped home
for $1 million or you can bury him here in the Holy Land for $100".  The US diplomats go into a huddle and come back to the undertaker and tell him they still want Obama flown home.  The undertaker is puzzled and asks: "Why would you spend $1 million to
get him home when it would be wonderful to be buried here in this religious country and you would only spend $100?".  One diplomat replied: "More than 2000 years ago a man died here, was buried here, and just 3 days later he rose from the dead.  We simply
can't take that risk".

Re: Humor-Obama and the Queen

Woman in a hot air balloon

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a bass boat below. She shouted to him, 'Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.'

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, 'You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.'

She rolled her eyes and said, 'You must be a Republican.' 'I am,' replied the bass fisherman. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' answered the balloonist, ' everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been anyHelp to me.'

The man smiled and responded, 'You must be an  Obama Democrat.' 'I am,' replied the balloonist. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' said the bass fisherman, 'you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault.'

Re: Humor-Obama and the Queen

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